Wednesday, July 19, 2017
How can I possibly forgive him?
Despite how it might appear impossible, forgiveness is a crucial part of recovery for the partner of a sex addiction treatment. To forgive is not to forget. Forgiving means being able to remember the past without suffering from the pain all over again. It's recalling -- but attaching different beliefs about the events, and it's a willingness to permit the pain to get decreased relevance with time. Knowing the pain, compulsion and despair that the pornography addiction help has undergone from sex addiction counselors can open avenues to compassion.
To forgive is important primarily for oneself, not for the person one forgives. The opposite of forgiveness is resentment. When we repent, we experience the pain and anger all over again. Serenity and resentment cannot coexist.
The practice of forgiveness begins with acknowledging that a wrong has been done to you. You have to recognize that you have strong feelings about what happened and you need to feel and process those feelings. You're entitled to be angry or hurt. Ideally, you can share those feelings with the person that has hurt you in couples counseling. If that is not possible, then you're able to share the feelings with your therapist or support group. After that, you can choose whether to remain in a relationship with that person. In either circumstance, forgiveness does not imply permission to continue hurtful behaviors. As part of your own treatment, you want to decide which behaviors you can accept in your relationships and which you cannot.
The principal aim of forgiveness is to heal yourself. In a partnership affected by sex addiction therapist, forgiveness is aided by evidence of the partner's changed behavior and commitment to treatment. These are also elements in rebuilding trust. For many couples, forgiving and learning to trust again go together. Both take time, making amends, continued treatment and steady, continual, trustworthy behavior on the part of the addict.
After the acting out has stopped, it's critical to not use his previous behavior as a "hook" to punish or manipulate him. When a desire for revenge exists, you have not forgiven, and you see him in one dimension ("Bastard"). The capability to see him as a whole person (he's not only sex addiction counseling, he's many things) will help you move forward. Couples therapy can help you move toward a sense of him as a multidimensional person with ongoing issues.